Confusion

How is it that I can be so frickin happy that my relationship is ending, but the first time she goes on a date and has fun I’m so pissed off? This does not make sense. I have no desire to be with her anymore. I honestly would rather be alone that be in a relationship with her. Its gone its course. I don’t understand this relationship stuff. I know that we have a history together. We had almost been together 2 years and she was my support during my coming out process. We had some amazing times together. There was so much I didn’t like, but I ignored it until it wasn’t ignorable anymore. I just wish I understood why I even care. She met this person that has a kid, and I tell her to walk away so she doesn’t put her thru the hell she put me thru. Its a long story, but its her life and I should butt out. I have so much to live for and so much to look forward to. I am confident that I am on the right path for me. Its much healthier emotionally. My children are better off without the drama. I even get to hang out with David again (she didn’t allow me to). I have a lot of frustration with the way I let her control my life. I always had to have my free time with her. I rarely ever had any time with my friends unless she was there, and never had any alone time. It wasn’t right for me, but I tried to force it to be right for me. So, she likes this girl. They are friends for now. I just have to deal. Even though some twisted messed up part of me wants her to be alone forever and only want me to fill her void even if I don’t want her. I don’t get it or understand it, but I write to tell the story of the complicated woman brain. I am ready to move forward. I am excited to live on my own in the first time in 15 years! woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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